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Dating
Violence: Early Warning Signs
Extreme
Jealousy: Everyone gets
jealous sometimes; the key word is extreme. Warning signs are
when your partner gets mad if you talk to other people, have good
friends, or express warm feelings for anyone else. The jealous
person may withdraw, sulk, or become angry and abusive.
Possessiveness:
This
becomes a danger sign when someone treats you as if you are a
belonging. The possessive person will not want you to share time
or give your attention to anyone else.
Controlling
Attitude: This
happens when one partner completely rules the relationship and
makes all the decisions. Your point of view is not important.
Often the controlling partner tries to tell the other how to dress,
who to talk to and where to go.
Low
Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem don't like themselves
very much. In a dating relationship, this person may say "I'm
nothing without you" or "You are my world." These are great lines
for songs but not for real life.
Unpredictable
Mood Swings: Nobody stays in the same mood all the time, but
a dramatic shift from being jealous, controlling, angry to being
sweet, charming, and loving is another danger sign.
Alcohol
and Drug Use: Many of the reported violent episodes in dating
relationships are carried out when one or both partners have been
drinking or using drugs. Alcohol and drug use lower a person's
self-control but are not the direct cause of violence.
Explosive
Anger: Even if you have never seen someone being aggressive
toward another person, watch out for people who seem to get too
angry. These people may hit walls or lockers, yell loudly, call
names or actually threaten others with violence.
Dating
Violence and Abuse Facts:
Dating
violence occurs across all socioeconomic, racial, religious, ethnic,
and gender groups.
60%
of U.S. men will batter at some time in their lives.
Every
15 seconds, a woman is physically assaulted within her own home.
About
1 out of every 3 high school students is or has been involved
in an abusive dating relationship.
Only
1 out of every 25 victims of dating violence ever seeks the help
of a teacher, minister, rabbi, police officer or counselor.
Healthy
Relationships: 4 Key Elements
1.
Self-Worth: your sense of who you are in a relationship as an
individual.
2.
Communication: shapes the levels of honesty, directness and clarity
in relationships.
3.
Rules or Agreements: without rules or agreements confusion exists
and expectations aren't often met.
4.
Link to Others: isolation can create serious problems for individuals
and/or couples.
Feeling
good, feeling worthy in a relationship can only happen when "individual
differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication
is open, and rules are flexible."
There
are 3 Parts to a Relationship:
1.
Me
2. You
3. Us
Each
has a life of its own, and, in healthy relationships, each one
contributes to the others. If any one of the three dominates,
the relationship falls out of balance.
Questions
to Ask Yourself:
1.
Is my (other person's) feeling of self-worth positive or negative?
2.
How do I (she/he and we) communicate, and what happens as a result?
3.
What kind of rules do I (she/he and we) follow, and do they work
for me (us)?
4.
How am I (she/he and we) linked to others, and what are the results?
What
to Do When You Don't Feel Safe:
If
you believe you are being abused in your relationship, tell someone
that you trust what has been going on, like a parent, teacher,
police officer, friend, clergy member, school counselor, etc.
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